I’d barely made it home before the doctor called me. I needed to come back to the hospital – the results of my chest X-ray were not good. She couldn’t tell me more than there was a large mass in my left lung and nodules all over my lungs “too numerous to count”.

I’d come back to get a second opinion on a diagnosis of “reflux” that we’d been “managing” for two years. She had reluctantly given me a chest X-ray, saying “this probably won’t show anything. They’re intended to find the ‘big and bad stuff’.” Welp…

I lived downtown and walked everywhere. I knew it was getting harder. I knew something was wrong. I just… didn’t want to know.

Walking back to the hospital, listening to headphones, and Dead! by My Chemical Romance came on. I quickly switched the song. I wasn’t ready for that. But the damage was done, the song was stuck in my head and thinly played through my first CT scan. A consult with the doctor after. The walk home. Alone and scared.

Took a picture of some bad sidewalk graffiti on my way home from the scan. Thought it might be something I find funny one day.

I’m a year into remission now. Did I get what I deserve?